Where do otters come from?
Otter Space.
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
What do fruit bowls say when they dress up as a ghost on Halloween? Be cherry afraid!
What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes? Rep Tiles
Why do poets always write about the sea?
They just can’t fathom her depths.
Q: Why did the wind turbine blush?
A. It broke wind.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What is a deer’s favorite place to get breakfast?
Dunkin’ Doe-nuts!
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
Why did the guy decide not to donate a dime to any charity raising funds for a marathon?
Because they just take the money and run.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
Q. How do you start a letter written to Sears Roebuck?
A. Deer Sirs..
Green vegetables absolutely love going on camps as a group. Their favorite is the Brussels Scouts.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
What do you get if you put an alligator in a blender?
Gatorade.
What’s black and white and as hard as a rock?
A panda that’s fallen in cement.
What is the camels’ favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpty dumpty.
There are so much beautiful sceneries near the river valleys. They are totally gorges.
I made a snap decision to watch football today
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
What do you call a cold little taco?
A brrr-ito.
Q. What do you call a gorilla who studies large primates and has great grades?
A. Ape lust student.
What is the the chemical formulation for candy molecules? Carbon, Holmium, Cobalt, Lanthanum, Tellerium—or ChoCoLaTe.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Q. What is a mime's favorite time of the day?
A. Dusk, because all the colors are muted.
What did one glow worm said to the other one?
You glow girl!
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
I got arrested because I left my car at the bar and took the bus home.
It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.
During labor, the nurse came up to my wife and said, “How about epidural anesthesia?”
I said, “Thanks, but we already picked a name.”
Q: How is hurricane season like Christmas?
A: At some point, there’s going to be a tree inside your house.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
I know a guy who absolutely loves his pet Parrot.
He is Polly-Amorous.