Why couldn’t the donut reach enlightenment? Because it was already holy.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
If Messier retires he's sure to be moosed.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
What board game do deer families always play?
Buck-gammon.
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
I was driving through the safari park when my sat nav said “bear left”. It was clearly a zebra.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
What do you call a shark that can’t stop singing “U Cant Touch This?”
An M.C. Hammerhead.
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
He used to be a doctor but he lost his patience.
Why shouldn't you mess with Santa? Because he has a black belt.
What do you need to know to teach a dinosaur tricks? More than the dinosaur.
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
Have you found the center of gravity yet? It’s the letter v.
"Having a good hare day."
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
An animal that talks your head off.
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road?
Because it wanted to lay it on the line.
The reason the mountains are hill areas joke gets reposted so often is because it's peak comedy
What did the vegan wear to the beach?
A zucchini!
My grandad was responsible for 28 downed german planes in WW2.
Still to this day, he holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
You're so beautiful, even the leaves fall for you.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
What did the painter say to his wife? "I love you with all my art!"
How would you describe a pun about a pun?
They're pun-ishingly bad!
There’s no reason to wine about you.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
The book about Mount Everest had quite a cliff hanger.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
Why shouldn't you iron a four-leaf clover?
You don't want to press your luck!
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
What do you call a camel that looks the same from both directions?
A palindromedary!
I get a real kick out of you.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
When something evolves, it becomes a fork of nature.
What do you get if you cross a mouse with a Triceratops? Enormous holes in the base boards.
Crowing, crowing, gone.
There is a rule that cats can shed hair on anything in the house… It is called fur-niture for a reason!
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
How do eels travel across the seafloor? By Octo-bus.
What did one witch's cat say to the other?
You look familiar.