I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
There are more planes under the oceans than there are submarines up in the skies. Let that sink in...
I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
How is the submarine doing at school?
It's below c-level
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
What color are military submarines?
Deep navy
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
A car company tried to make a submarine, but it kept surfacing too quickley
The crew got the Mercedes-Bends
I knew a submarine sailor who wasn't very talkative or energetic
He was a subdued sub dude.
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
Bro, are you a submarine?
Because you're so gnar.
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
Have you heard about Amazon’s plan to make intercontinental shipments using electric submarine drones?
They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
What do you call a perfect submarine?
Sub-optimal.
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
What is a car’s favourite sport?
Soc-car.
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
49. What does a child car play with?
Toy-otas.
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
What did the Wife say to the Husband?
You are exhausting!
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
What should you double check when buying an electric car?
That your driving license is current.
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’