[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
When it was raining yesterday, I saw a man use ketchup and I got quite shocked. It is only later that I learnt he was taking advantage of the raining cats and hot dogs.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.
What do you call Santa when he accidentally falls into the fireplace? Krisp Kringle.
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Just bought my wife a refrigerator, for our Anniversary:
Cannot wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
This corn is a little rough to the touch. Looks like a job for Kernel Sanders.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
Be-leaf me, you look great in green.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
The police hung up the phone call when I informed them about a murder in my front yard. They said they could not do anything regarding the crows.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
A father was reading a book while his son was playing with toys on the floor. “Daddy, why is that book so thick?” asks the boy.
“It’s long story,” replies the father.
What does a cat wear to stop smelling? Antipurrspirant!
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
Why did no one want to sit near Shrek?
He had terrible body ogre.
What happens when you go to the bathroom in France?
European!
Why did the kid pursue scuba diving?
Because all his grades are below C-level.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
You knead me in your loaf. This one kind of works, but loaf is just a little too different from life.
What country do marathoners retire to?
Iran.
What did the monochrome say to the rainbow?
Oh no! My arch nemesis!
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Q: Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
A: To the peach.
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
Can’t pinch this.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
My friend couldn’t pay his water bill anymore.
I sent him a Get Well Soon card.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
What do you call cheese who attends art openings?
Cultured.
I see a sea down by the seashore.
But which sea do you see down by the seashore?
I ride share to work regularly, but if I'm in the backseat when we go through a tunnel I have a massive anxiety attack.
My doctor diagnosed me with Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.
What did the deer say after he finished eating?
“That was deer-licious!”
Last night, like every night, I dreamt I was half horse, half man.
My shrink says I'm just being self centaured.
What do bees chew?
Bubmble gum.
How could the skeleton tell that rain was coming?
He could feel it in his bones.
What's the similarity between a sailor and a thief?
Both have a phobia for sirens.
What does the Yeti do when he is tired?
Himalaya down.
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.