It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
What did one leaf say to the other leaf?
I’ve fallen for you.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
Where do meteorologists like to drink after work?
The closest ISOBAR.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
Football pitches are almost always so wet. This is because soccer players dribble a lot.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
Q: Why couldn’t the boy keep his documents open when he left a window open in winter?
A: Because it was too Win+D
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
When my friend Frank died, his body was cremated and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
Now he's Frank in stein.
Why is the letter B so cold? Because it’s between the AC.
Why do skeletons drink so much milk?
It’s good for the bones!
What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, upon a slitted sheet I sit.
I seem to find a way of sneaking chocolate into movie theaters..
.. I always have a few twix up my sleeve.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Why are hot dogs angry? Because they are always getting roasted.
How do you get in contact with a Greek architect?
You column.
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach."
The surgeon was fired later that day.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing? Au revoir.
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!
What do you call a baby potato? Tater tots!
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
Why are werewolves better than vampires?
Werewolves don’t have a problem with steaks.
Q. Which doe did all the stags and bucks sing about in the 1960s?
A. Deer Prudence.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
What do you call a dad joke about skeletons?
A skele-pun!
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
There was a fisherman named Fisher
who fished for some fish in a fissure.
Till a fish with a grin,
pulled the fisherman in.
Now they're fishing the fissure for Fisher.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
Don't give up at this stage, just keep cawing on, you will do great.
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.