What’s black and white and red all over?
A sunburned panda.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
I got lost in the mist today.
I didn’t have the foggiest idea where I was.
Why did the cat decide to sleep under the car? Because she wanted to wake up oily!
How do French skeletons say hello?
- Bone-jour!
It is not uncommon for elephants to start a stampede. Especially if they want to play for the Chargers.
Do you know how to dunk cookies? Ask a basketball chef.
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
My wife bought me an expensive umbrella and she’s been holding it over my head ever since.
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
Airlines have nowadays become so cash strapped that they charge you for everything including emotional baggage.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
The wolf really needed to talk with the skeleton because he had a bone to pick with him.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop making monster puns.
So I guess our relationship might as well be ogre.
Why did Frankenstein’s monster give up boxing?
Because he didn’t want to spoil his looks.
"Yoda one for me."
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
My boss has just fired me for making too many Asian jokes.
Oh well!! That's the end of my Korea.
What's an prisoners favorite battery? Duracell Why are inmates so angry all the time? Cause they have bad cell service.
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
Did you hear about the croc and rooster that had a kid together?
It was a crocadoodledoo.
I heard some crows communicating after one of their own was injured.
They were caws for concern.
How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long.
How did the fire ant feel after the rain storm flooded his home?
Very put out, indeed!
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
What does a dinosaur call a porcupine? A toothbrush.
What is the definition of “moon”?
The past tense of “moo”.
What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
My father got a new laptop, and it is now like the baby computer of the house, so we refer to the older laptop as the 'Data'.
How do elephants bathe?
With their trunks on.
What do cheese makers dance to on halloween? The muenster mash!
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
What do you call twin baby kangaroos?
Roo-mMates!
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
A strawberry screamed at the other, "Were it not that ripe, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam."
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
Why did the robot decide to go on a summer vacation?
To recharge!
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
How do you know if it’s too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-cooked eggs.
I am soup-er into the beautiful girl that I met yesterday at school.
Who’s a llama’s favorite pop singer?
Llama Del Ray.