I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
More candles means a bigger wish!
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
You feta have a gouda birthday.
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
You are aged to perfection.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.