The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
You are aged to perfection.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
You feta have a gouda birthday.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
They say everything gets better with age.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.