The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
You feta have a gouda birthday.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
More candles means a bigger wish!
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
You are aged to perfection.
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.