For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
They say everything gets better with age.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
More candles means a bigger wish!
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
You are aged to perfection.
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.