My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
You are aged to perfection.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
They say everything gets better with age.