Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
You are aged to perfection.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
You feta have a gouda birthday.