You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
More candles means a bigger wish!
You are aged to perfection.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
You feta have a gouda birthday.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?