Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
More candles means a bigger wish!
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
You feta have a gouda birthday.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
They say everything gets better with age.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
You are aged to perfection.
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!