Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
More candles means a bigger wish!
You feta have a gouda birthday.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
You are aged to perfection.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
They say everything gets better with age.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"