Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
More candles means a bigger wish!
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
You feta have a gouda birthday.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
They say everything gets better with age.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
You are aged to perfection.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!