I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
You feta have a gouda birthday.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
More candles means a bigger wish!
They say everything gets better with age.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.