For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
You feta have a gouda birthday.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
They say everything gets better with age.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
You are aged to perfection.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
More candles means a bigger wish!
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”