More candles means a bigger wish!
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
You feta have a gouda birthday.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
They say everything gets better with age.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
You are aged to perfection.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.