A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.