How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.