How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Did you hear about one flower who went on a date with another flower?
It’s a budding romance.
What does a flower say when they’re offering you a job?
Take it or leaf it.
Did you hear about the flower who was struck in a hit and run?
She was leafed for dead.
The fungi turned down seconds at dinner because he never had mushroom.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
What do snowmen do on Christmas?
Play with the snow angels.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
It's a Cemer Tree.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
How do you keep the snow from giving you cold feet?
Don’t go around BRRfooted!
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?
Seaweed.
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window?
Snow and Tell.
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
How do you know you’re in love with a flower?
Not a daisy goes by where you don’t think of them.
What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
Why did Frosty the snowman want a divorce?
Because he thought his wife was a flake.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
A team of mushrooms was playing basketball against a team of cabbages. The mushrooms won. Everyone cheered for the champignons.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.