What are the best mushrooms to have with a jacket potato? Button mushrooms!
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
The forager was in such mixed moods this morning and we guessed he picked and ate the wrong class of mushrooms.
Why did the flower take her husband back after he cheated?
She rose above it.
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
Why are plants the best chefs?
They’re succulent.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A snowmobile!
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
What did the flower write in his mother’s day card?
I’m proud to be orchid.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
How do you keep the snow from giving you cold feet?
Don’t go around BRRfooted!
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
What did the snowman eat?
Icebergs with chilli sauce.
A team of mushrooms was playing basketball against a team of cabbages. The mushrooms won. Everyone cheered for the champignons.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
What type of car did the mushroom drive by in? A spores car.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
Why did the frog lose his job on the mushroom farm? He stole the toads-tool.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
If you are preparing jacket potatoes, your choice vegetables should be button mushrooms.
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
Farmers were in an all out war to decide which vegetable they would plant
It was resolved with a Peas Treaty.
My father cooked us mushrooms. Later he asked "Having fun guys"?
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
Did you hear about the flower who joined Tinder?
He just wants somebudy to love.
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.