Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
Why did the flower take her husband back after he cheated?
She rose above it.
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
The forager was in such mixed moods this morning and we guessed he picked and ate the wrong class of mushrooms.
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
What did the grouchy mushroom say to the loud mushroom? - Put a cap on it.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
What types of mushrooms do vegetarians avoid? Oyster mushrooms.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
What did the snowman order at Wendy’s?
A Frosty.
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
During the contribution’s session, the mushroom family never gave a lot. They were just two spore.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
What does a flower say when they’re surprised?
What in carnation!
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.
When Mr. Mushroom saw Miss Mushroom, he didn’t hesitate to ask her out on a date because he had she was such a fungi-rl.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.