Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.