What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.