What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.