The superconductor left without resistance.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!