What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards? They like to avoid the flush.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.