What did the cactus wear with their suit?
A cactie.
I wanted to be a professional fortune-teller but I wasn't very good at it. I could only predict when there would be bad winter storms. Well, turns out I had been using a snow globe.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
When the storm begun, the garden party became a bit disorganized and food service was turned to a frost come frost served.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
Why didn't the mexican archer fire his bow?
Because he didn't habanero.
What did the evaporating raindrop say?
I’m going to pieces.
Why is the mushroom always invited to parties? Because he's a fun-gi.
What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog?
A mist conception.
The other day a tree asked for my help with kindling a grass route movement.
I said I wood because it's got a lot growing for it.
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
A plant is fine, a shrub is fine, but tree's a crowd.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
What happened when it started raining coins?
It knocked some sense (cents) into the world.
Many years ago, my grandfather used to cut the grass- but, he's been gone for a lawn time.
What is the the chemical formulation for candy molecules? Carbon, Holmium, Cobalt, Lanthanum, Tellerium—or ChoCoLaTe.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice?
Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
How do you cut an ocean in half?
With a seasaw!
Why did the fisherman suddenly redirect his boat?
Just for the halibut.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...
High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.
How did the wife know her mountaineering husband was cheating on her? She caught Himalayan about it more than once.
Why couldn’t the fish watch YouTube?
He couldn’t stream the video.
Green vegetables absolutely love going on camps as a group. Their favorite is the Brussels Scouts.
When does it start to rain money?
When there is change in the weather.
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
How do two flowers greet each other?
Hey bud, how’s it growing?
After all is red and done, all the colors in the rainbow are equally beautiful.
When Smokey died in a forest fire, how did his body get to the cemetery ?
Pallbears.
I was going to make another mountain pun but I can't think of summit.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
My glasses may be fogged up, but don’t worry I’ll be fine.
I’m optimistic!
If H20 is in the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside ?
K9P.
What is a cat's favorite color in the rainbow? Purrrrrple of course.
I'm trying to break the ice, but you just keep giving me the cold shoulder.
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
Why is the ocean always on time?
She likes to stay current.
What did the sink say to the water faucet?
You’re a real drip.
I was struggling to find out how lightning works. And then it struck me.
Why did the obtuse Triangle go to the beach?
Because it was more than 90°.
What type of weapon can you make with potassium, iron and nickel? A KniFe.
What did the rainbow say to the other rainbow? Nothing, it was feeling blue.
My dad used to say "the sky's the limit"
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
The viking Rudolph the Red looked outside and proclaimed it was going to rain.
His wife asked him, “What makes you say that?”
He replied, “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
I never knew how lightning worked
Thats until it finally struck me.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea