I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
The sun is just a big space heater.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.