I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
The Cat Poem
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray this cushy life to keep.
I pray for toys that look like mice,
and sofa cushions, soft and nice.
I pray for gourmet kitty snacks,
and someone nice to scratch my back,
for windowsills all warm and bright,
for shadows to explore at night.
I pray I'll always stay cool,
and keep the secret feline rule,
To never tell a human that
the world is really ruled by cats!
Got my friend an unnecessarily large rocket for bonfire night.
He's over the moon!He's over the moon!
Last night I was but by a bloodsucker from the moon. Damn lunatics.
The George and Dragon
A tourist driving across rural England decided to stay the night in a small town.
The only place with rooms available was a quaint English pub, The George and Dragon, which had a lovingly painted sign with a Knight beside a defeated dragon blowing in the evening breeze.
Entering the bar room, which while empty had a roaring fire against the back wall, leather padded booths, and a mahogany bar with brass rails, polished to a shine, they went up to the bar and asked for a room.
"Rooms cost £20 per night, we don't accept euros, and you must be out by 7am tomorrow, or else you pay for both days."
"Alright then, could I get something to eat ma-"
"Kitchen closed at 6, and I am not going back there until 11am tomorrow, no matter what you say. Anything else?"
"Yes, could I please talk to George?"
What do you get when you spice up date night? Netflix and Chilis.
The Mystery Woman at the Bar
This bachelor goes into a bar and notices a major hottie, always alone, who comes in on a fairly regular basis.
After the second week, he made his move. Despite his best game, the bachelor couldn't achieve any progress with her. "No thank you," she would always say."
The man was determined, this cutie was worth giving up the game. They had an instant connection, but things never got past the formalities!
At the end of the night he finally caved. "Why won't you come home with me?" he whined to her. The woman said: "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love."
"Wow, that must be rather difficult." the bachelor said.
"Oh, I don't mind too much," she said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset."