Hole

Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
Where's the weak spot on a Scottish goalie? The fief hole.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
To Marie Antoinette whispered Montesquieu,
“Madame la Reine, do you want to squieu?
I’ll balance your powers
For hours and hours
Until I have bend your hole a-skew.”
A Cowboy was told that if he sprinkled gunpowder on his breakfast, he'd live to a ripe old age
So he did this religiously, every morning.

He lived to the ripe old age of 96.

He left behind 8 Children, 24 Grandchildren and 60 Great Grandchildren, as well as a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
What Mother Superior Found
What Mother Superior Found The mother superior is very upset. She walks into the dinner room and announces to all the nuns to be quiet and listen. "I was walking around the gardens, as I do." She says in a loud voice, "When I found some disturbing things! For one, I found a man's underpants!" All the nuns are taken aback except for one, who is smiling. "Then, " continues the mother superior, "I found a WOMAN'S underpants!" All the nuns gasp together, except for one, who is giggling. "And if that wasn't enough, I found.... a... a... used condom!" All the nuns gasp, and some turn white., except for one, who is laughing quietly. "And in the condom," finishes mother superior, "was a hole." All the nuns laugh, except for one, who is crying.
Fishing Drunk
Fishing Drunk A drunk ice fisherman drills a hole in the ice and peers into it. As he does so, a loud voice from above says, "There are no fish down there." So the drunk fisherman walks several yards away and drills another hole. As he peers into it he again hears a voice say, "There's no fish down there." So he walks about 20 yards away and drills another hole. Once again the voice says, "There's no fish down there." The fisherman looks up to the sky and asks, "God, is that you?" "No, you idiot," says the voice. "It's the rink manager."
I dig you a hole lot.
Why did the blonde skier cut a hole near the top of her boyfriend's ski parka?
She wanted to give him the cold shoulder.
A sun walks into a black hole.
The black hole says to the sun "I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation".
“I cannot go to school today,"
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
“I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I’m going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I’ve counted sixteen chicken pox
And there’s one more--that’s seventeen,
And don’t you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut--my eyes are blue--
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I’m sure that my left leg is broke--
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button’s caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle’s sprained,
My ‘pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb.
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow’s bent, my spine ain’t straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangn
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A Hot Cross bunny.

What do you call a very smart bunny? An egghead.
Why did the bunny build herself a new house? She was fed up with the hole thing!
What leaves a bigger hole in your heart than breaking up with your girlfriend?
A bullet.
That Darn Air Conditioner
That Darn Air Conditioner A wife is having an affair with a young man, unbeknownst to her husband. The young man makes tremendous love, her husband couldn’t hold a candle to this young man’s abilities. His stamina is never-ending, he’s like a machine in bed. When the affair started the wife and the young man used to keep it strictly between the time her husband was at work but she longed for more. Eventually they came up with a solution of making a hole on her side of the bed. This way he could make endless passionate love to her from underneath the bed even while her husband home. Things were going great until the wife couldn’t keep quiet during intercourse, constantly moaning. “Aaaah, aah, aah.” All the while her husband was lying right next to her. When her husband inquired about this sound, she said it was the air conditioner malfunctioning. The husband became extremely irritated at this sound and told his wife to smack the unit around to quiet it down, as the AC was on her side of the bed. They continued this secret affair for a while before the husband had had enough of this broken AC and his wife’s refusal to try and fix it in the night. So the next night when they were about to go to bed, the husband lay down on the wife’s side of the bed, so he could try and fix the AC when it started malfunctioning again. The wife reluctantly agreed, she was sure the young man underneath the bed would realize what had happened and just remain still for tonight. She was awakened in the middle of the night from sounds coming from her husband's side of the room. “Uhhhhh, uhhhh, uuuhhhh...” Concerned she asked her profusely sweating husband, “Is everything alright?” “It’s just this darn A/C unit.”
The Guys, the Hole and the Goat
The Guys, the Hole and the Goat Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole. "Wow...that looks deep." "Sure does... toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is." They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait... no noise. "Jeeez. That is REALLY deep... here.. throw one of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise." They pick up a couple of football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait... and wait. Nothing. They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on his face and says, "Hey...over here in the weeds, there's a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss THAT sucker in, it's GOTTA make some noise." The two drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Not a sound comes from the hole. Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a goat appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them, running as fast as it's legs will carry it, then leaps in the air and into the hole. The two men are astonished with what they've just seen. Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and ambles over. "Hey... you two guys seen my goat out here?" "You bet we did! Craziest thing I ever seen! It came running like crazy and just jumped into this hole!" "Nah", says the farmer, "That couldn't have been MY goat. My goat was chained to a railroad tie."
Yo mama so fat she needs a GPS to find her ass hole.
Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see!"