Knock

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, “to whom.”
Knock knock.
Come in.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Toucan.
Toucan who?
Toucan play at that game!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Mary
Mary who?
Mary Christmas!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Holly
Holly who?
Holly-days are here again!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Anna!
Anna who?
Anna partridge in a pear tree.
How Much Does He Charge?
How Much Does He Charge? A man drove over to his neighbor’s house and knocked on the door... A boy, about 8, opened the door. “Is your mom or dad home?” the man asked the boy. “No, they went into town,” the boy replied. “Well, how about your brother Howard?” the man asked. “No, he went with mom and dad,” the boy said. The man stood there for a minute shifting from one foot to another and mumbling when the boy says: “I know where the tools are if you need to borrow one or I could give my dad a message for you.” “Well,” The man said uncomfortably “I wanted to talk to your dad about your brother Howard getting my sister pregnant.” The boy thought for a moment then said: “You’ll have to talk to my dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bulls and $150 for the pigs, but I have no idea how much he charges for Howard.”
Yesterday I paid a stranger to knock me unconscious,
shove a foreign object up my butt and film the whole thing!
Or as my doctor insists on calling it... a colonoscopy
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!
Why can't you tell dogs a knock knock joke?
Because they immediately start barking.
Why do pumpkins sit on people’s porches?
They have no hands to knock on the door.
Why do doctors slap babies' bums right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Eyesore.
​Eyesore who?
Eyesore from my long run—can we take the elevator?
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”