Me, to my wife: They said that the Covid vaccines are safe and has no side effects.
My wife: Who did?
Me: Yep.
That mask is becoming on you. If it were me, I’d be coming too.
Why are people buying so much toilet paper because of the corona virus?
Because when one person sneezes, 100 people shit themselves.
Girl, are you the Wuhan Corona Virus?
Because you’re taking my breath away.
Did you hear the new pop song about Covid?
...it's pretty catchy.
Tom Hanks just got the Corona virus.
They had to lock the whole Cast Away.
Why don’t we go somewhere where I can stick a candle in your jack-o-lantern?
My mom always told me I wouldn't accomplish anything by lying in bed all day.
But look at me now, I'm saving the world.
Are you dressed up as a tree? Cause you’re giving me wood.
What do Saturday and Sunday have in common with the corona virus?
The weakend.
Listen to them, children of the night. Let’s give them some competition.
Ok, so if the Corona Virus isn't about beer, why do I keep hearing about cases of it?
My teen daughter was sent home from school for covid exposure.....
She’s now my quaranteen.
I’m no vampire but I’m fine with getting no sleep and biting your neck all night.
I really hope corona virus can't spread through s*x
It would be so lonely being the last man on Earth.
Woke up with sweats afraid I'd contracted the corona virus...
Changed into jeans and was all good.
Since i have COVID people tell me i enjoy bad music and movies
Guess i have become tasteless.
You know why women's eyes are so noticeable these days?
It's the mask era.
What does a person with Covid like to drink?
Coughy.
Even after a decade or two, I think we will all remember this year forever.
I mean, hindsight is 2020.
Turns out my dad who’s a locksmith still has to go to work during lockdown.
He’s a key worker, you see.
My daughter told me COVID stinks and she misses her teacher...
I told her "I Ms. your teacher too."
Did you know there are 206 bones in the human body? Would you mind one more?
Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta.
All because of a fusilli people.
What quarantine really taught me?
That you don't really need fun to have alcohol.
I got my COVID-19 vaccine from a "doctor" who approached me in a downtown alley after midnight, offering it for $50 cash.
It was a shot in the dark, but I took it.
I am a mean green machine.
Why did the Chinese communist party try to cover up the outbreak of the corona virus disease?
They were afraid not everyone could get it.
Girl, you make my crotch rise from the dead
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
While it’s taking a while for the Corona virus to reach other countries, China got it right off the bat.
I like my girls how I like my Covid.
19 and easily spread.
I could tell you a COVID joke...
But it would take two weeks for you to get it.
Definition of Irony - When the Year Of The Rat starts with a plague.
I broke up with my girlfriend after she contracted the corona virus
I’ve decided to wash my hands of her.
With Coronavirus and our impending doom, I guess no one really had 2020 vision after all.
Please stop with all the corona jokes.
I‘m sick of it.
What do Muslims do during the coronavirus outbreak?
They stay in Quran-tine.
I just asked the wife to get into her nurse's uniform.
She said "Why? Are you feeling horny?"
"No we need bread!"
Flat earthers fear 6 feet social distancing could push some people over the edge.
Me: I'll have a Corona please.
Waiter: *Cough*
Me: Thank you.
What's the difference between Wuhan and Las Vegas?
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content.
A coronaissance, if you will.
Dad jokes are like Corona.
Everybody gets It but not everyone can laugh about It.
Why did Princess Leia contract coronavirus?
Because she went to woo Han.
Why is there no COVID cases in Antarctica
Because it’s so ice-o-lated
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing but this is as close as I could get.
Hey, my parents are out of town. That means we have the haunted mansion all to ourselves.
Call me a pirate and give me that booty.
I should have dressed up as a ghost tonight so I could let you under my sheets.
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