I know I've never been all that attractive. But lately every woman I try to approach avoids me like the plague.
I just asked the wife to get into her nurse's uniform. She said "Why? Are you feeling horny?" "No we need bread!"
We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks. Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.
My mom always told me I wouldn't accomplish anything by lying in bed all day. But look at me now, I'm saving the world.
I’m throwing a COVID-19 party this weekend. None of you are invited.
What did the Indian boy say to his parent before going into self isolation? Mumbai.
While it’s taking a while for the Corona virus to reach other countries, China got it right off the bat.
The amount of bad Covid-19 jokes being circulated is starting to reach alarming figures Some scientists suspect that it might be a pundemic.
With Coronavirus and our impending doom, I guess no one really had 2020 vision after all.
Even after a decade or two, I think we will all remember this year forever. I mean, hindsight is 2020.
Turns out my dad who’s a locksmith still has to go to work during lockdown. He’s a key worker, you see.
What do Muslims do during the coronavirus outbreak? They stay in Quran-tine.
With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content. A coronaissance, if you will.
Why did the Chinese communist party try to cover up the outbreak of the corona virus disease? They were afraid not everyone could get it.
I got really good at telling them, so I’m being crowned the king of corona virus puns. You’re all formally invited to attend my coronation.
I broke up with my girlfriend after she contracted the corona virus I’ve decided to wash my hands of her.
Why can't corona virus jokes go viral? Because people are laughing into their elbows.
What do Saturday and Sunday have in common with the corona virus? The weakend.
Girl, are you the Wuhan Corona Virus? Because you’re taking my breath away.
Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta. All because of a fusilli people.
As the local drunk, I'm quite worried about the corona virus. It's got potential tequila lot of people.
Woke up with sweats afraid I'd contracted the corona virus... Changed into jeans and was all good.
Ok, so if the Corona Virus isn't about beer, why do I keep hearing about cases of it?
Definition of Irony - When the Year Of The Rat starts with a plague.
Don't worry, the Corona Virus won't last long... It was made in China.
People with a cold - "I just want to stay in bed and do nothing, I feel terrible."
People with Corona Virus - "I feel terrible, I think I will go skiing in Austria, visit the Eiffel Tower and maybe do some white water rafting in Camino de Santiago."
I went to the chemist today and asked the assistant "what kills the Corona Virus?"
She replied to me "Ammonia Cleaner"
I said "Oh, I am sorry, I thought you worked here."
With all this talk of Corona Virus, the people who make sanitising gel are rubbing their hands together.
I sneezed in the bank today, it was the most attention I have received in the last 10 years.
A man walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says "I'll have a Corona please, hold the virus."