"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
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