"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
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