“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
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