"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
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