"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
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