“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
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