"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
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