"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
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