"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
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