George

Yo momma so fat she sat on a quarter and squished a booger out of George Washington's nose.
No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says. He is always convinced that it says what he means. -- George Bernard Shaw
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me... they're cramming for their final exam. -- George Carlin
George Burns
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
The Golfers and the Late Tee Time
The Golfers and the Late Tee Time A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. They start getting really upset as time goes on, as they have reserved the time weeks in advance. Engineer: "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 25 minutes!" Doctor: "I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!" Priest: "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him." Priest: "Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they?" George: "Oh yes. That's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight while saving our clubhouse last year. So we let them play here anytime free of charge!" (silence) Priest: "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." Doctor: "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." Engineer: "Why can't these guys play at night?"
What did Boy George say to Micheal Jackson? "You Beat It, and I'll cumma cumma cum."
“Gravity is the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age”
The George and Dragon
The George and Dragon A tourist driving across rural England decided to stay the night in a small town. The only place with rooms available was a quaint English pub, The George and Dragon, which had a lovingly painted sign with a Knight beside a defeated dragon blowing in the evening breeze. Entering the bar room, which while empty had a roaring fire against the back wall, leather padded booths, and a mahogany bar with brass rails, polished to a shine, they went up to the bar and asked for a room. "Rooms cost £20 per night, we don't accept euros, and you must be out by 7am tomorrow, or else you pay for both days." "Alright then, could I get something to eat ma-" "Kitchen closed at 6, and I am not going back there until 11am tomorrow, no matter what you say. Anything else?" "Yes, could I please talk to George?"
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
What do George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common?
They seem to all been born on holidays.