Why is Christmas the cheesiest holiday? Baby cheeses. (Baby Jesus)
Why do stoner tourists spend so much money while on a skiing holiday at Aspen?
Because they're high rollers!
Why should somebody who's just out of rehab think twice before going on a skiing holiday?
Because it's a slippery slope.
The best holiday for you to go bowling is thanksgiving because you will get turkeys.
What did the llama say when the other llama asked if they wanted to go on holiday?
Alpaca suitcase.
What’s black and white, has four legs and a trunk?
Two pandas on holiday.
What did the baby rabbit say before his favorite holiday? I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny to visit.
Why did the Grinch go to the liquor store? He was looking for the holiday spirit.
What do George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common?
They seem to all been born on holidays.
What holiday do bats love best?
St. Bat-rich’s Day.
"It’s a boy!!! I cannot believe it – it’s a boy!! I was so overwhelmed, I literally stood there in tears"
~Mike, 32, abruptly ending his holiday in Thailand
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
Where do flies go for a holiday?
You're so beautiful; your birthday should be a national holiday.
Atheists Need a Holiday
Atheists Need a Holiday An atheist became incensed over Christmas holiday preparations. He filed a lawsuit about the constant celebrations given to Christians and Jews while atheists had no holiday to celebrate. The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the long, passionate presentation by the atheist's lawyer, the judge banged his gavel and declared, "Case dismissed!" The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling. "Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter, and many other observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur, and Hanukkah. Yet, my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!" The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said, "Obviously, your client is too confused to know about, much less celebrate his own atheist holiday!" The lawyer pompously said, "Your honor, we are unaware of any such holiday for atheists. Just when might that holiday be?" The judge replied, "Well, it comes every year on exactly the same date. Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, if your client says there is no God then, according to the Bible, he is a fool. April Fool's Day is his holiday. Now, get out of my courtroom!"