“You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.”
― Unknown
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
— Totie Fields
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
"The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!"
— Terry Moore
“Everything goes better with tacos.”
― Rachel Caine
“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”
― Unknown
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
"After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations."
— Oscar Wilde
"I'm not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day."
– Andy Borowitz
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
"A slice of pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze."
— Stephen King
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
— Mark Twain
"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising."
— Meg Cabot
"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
– Mitch Hedberg
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
– Abraham Lincoln
“When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets because stressed spelled backward is desserts.”
― Unknown
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again."
— George Miller
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
— Jo Brand
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”
― Unknown
"I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good if it's the pepper or the oni."
— Ulrik Stephens
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”
― Erma Bombeck
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke
“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
― Unknown
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
“I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.”
― Unknown
“I didn’t get this physique by not eating tacos.”
― Jon Tester
“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
“Swiss cheese differs from Camembert by better ventilation.”
― Unknown
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
“Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius.”
― Heather Brewer
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
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