"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
– Mitch Hedberg
“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”
― Unknown
“Love means never having to say “Should we get dessert?”
― Unknown
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
"I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
— Ellen DeGeneres
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
“You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.”
― Unknown
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
"A slice of pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze."
— Stephen King
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
— Jim Davis
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
“I’m like Pacman when I’m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.”
― Unknown
“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
"If I hold a can of soda up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk."
– Bridger Winegar
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."
— Charles M. Shulz
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
— Mark Twain
"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising."
— Meg Cabot
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
“Every day is National Donut Day if you put your mind to it.”
― Unknown
“I didn’t get this physique by not eating tacos.”
― Jon Tester
“Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.”
― Bill Murray
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
"Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face."
— Enrico Caruso
“When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets because stressed spelled backward is desserts.”
― Unknown
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
“The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating.”
— John Walters
“The key to my heart looks a whole lot like a plate of pasta.”
― Unknown
"Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche."
— Lewis Grizzard
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
— Totie Fields
"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."
— Mark Twain
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown