"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
— Barbara Johnson
“There’s no “we” in ice cream.”
― Unknown
"Americans will eat garbage provided you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup."
— Henry James
"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child
“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”
― Unknown
“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
― Henny Youngman
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
— Jim Davis
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
"In these difficult times, when so many people are having trouble finding enough to eat, we are extending the “five-second rule” to a full ten seconds."
– Ron Piraro
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
"When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I can eat eight."
— Yogi Berra
"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising."
— Meg Cabot
“How do I like my eggs? In a cake.”
― Unknown
“I’m like Pacman when I’m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.”
― Unknown
“The key to my heart looks a whole lot like a plate of pasta.”
― Unknown
“Everything goes better with tacos.”
― Rachel Caine
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
"After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations."
— Oscar Wilde
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown
"I'll have a double cappuccino, half-caf, non-fat milk, with enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing, but not so much that it would leave a mustache."
— Niles Crane
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
– Abraham Lincoln
“Love means never having to say “Should we get dessert?”
― Unknown
“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”
― Unknown
“A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.”
― Unknown
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”
― Erma Bombeck
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
— Totie Fields
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
"I'm not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day."
– Andy Borowitz
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”
― Unknown
“Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”
― Bill Murray
"We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie."
– David Mamet
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
— Doug Larson
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
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