"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."
— Calvin Trillin
“Swiss cheese differs from Camembert by better ventilation.”
― Unknown
“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”
― Unknown
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
"Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face."
— Enrico Caruso
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”
― Unknown
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
― Dean Koontz
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
– Mitch Hedberg
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown
“You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.”
― Unknown
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
“I want to tell you about the "sausage principle." The theory says, "If you love something, never try to find out how it is done."”
― Unknown
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
“Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!”
― Unknown
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
– Abraham Lincoln
"I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
— Ellen DeGeneres
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
― Unknown
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
"I don't eat lobsters, shrimp, or crawfish because I don't eat anything that looks like I should step on it."
— George Carlin
“Every day is National Donut Day if you put your mind to it.”
― Unknown
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
— Mark Twain
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
"There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap."
— Kevin James
“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
— Jim Davis
“There’s no “we” in ice cream.”
― Unknown
"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
— Jo Brand
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