"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
“I didn’t get this physique by not eating tacos.”
― Jon Tester
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
— Jo Brand
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
― Henny Youngman
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."
— Charles M. Shulz
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
“The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating.”
— John Walters
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
“There’s no “we” in ice cream.”
― Unknown
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."
— Calvin Trillin
"I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food."
– Erma Bombeck
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
“You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.”
― Unknown
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that, five or six days later, you're hungry again."
– George Miller
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
— Jim Davis
"After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations."
— Oscar Wilde
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
"Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche."
— Lewis Grizzard
"I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
— Ellen DeGeneres
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”
― Erma Bombeck
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
— Barbara Johnson
“Love means never having to say “Should we get dessert?”
― Unknown
"Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face."
— Enrico Caruso
“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”
― Unknown
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
“The only clubs I’m interested in are sandwiches.”
― Unknown
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
— Totie Fields
“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
— Mark Twain
"The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!"
— Terry Moore
"A slice of pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze."
— Stephen King
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