"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
— Mark Twain
“You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.”
― Unknown
"Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments."
— Bethenny Frankel
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
― Henny Youngman
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
“I didn’t get this physique by not eating tacos.”
― Jon Tester
“The key to my heart looks a whole lot like a plate of pasta.”
― Unknown
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”
― Unknown
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz
"I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food."
– Erma Bombeck
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that, five or six days later, you're hungry again."
– George Miller
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
― Dean Koontz
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
"I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
— Ellen DeGeneres
"After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations."
— Oscar Wilde
"I'm not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day."
– Andy Borowitz
“I’m like Pacman when I’m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.”
― Unknown
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
— Jim Davis
“Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!”
― Unknown
"I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good if it's the pepper or the oni."
— Ulrik Stephens
"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
“Love means never having to say “Should we get dessert?”
― Unknown
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
— Doug Larson
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
— Totie Fields
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
— Jo Brand
"The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!"
— Terry Moore
"In these difficult times, when so many people are having trouble finding enough to eat, we are extending the “five-second rule” to a full ten seconds."
– Ron Piraro
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”
― Unknown
“Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”
― Bill Murray
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