Meal Jokes

What does the skeleton chef say when he serves you a meal?
- Bone Appetit!
All vampires seem to have the same thing for their last meal. A stake.
Looking for a healthy meal full of life? I will deliver my fresh cucumber for your bed tonight.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
What does the parrot get at the end of a restaurant meal? The bill!
I recently took a trip to Alaska. We ate at a fancy restaurant where the chef made us an amazing meal from native animals and vegetables we helped forage. I asked if he had ever had whale blubber or seal meat.
He said "nah, I’m not really Inuit."
I endured burnt offerings at the table -
A meal ‘cooked’ by my mother in law
If I hadn’t been married her lovely son
I’d have walked straight out of the door!

I heaved at every charred mouthful
Smiled, and said the meal was ‘divine’
She told me she’d had cookery lessons
But her food was only fit to feed swine!

Is my poem just a fairy story
Or is it a clever allegory?

(Laura Loo)
The Impatient Mother-in-Law A couple invites their family over for Thanksgiving night and invites the whole family to spend the holiday and meal together. The family gathers, but the couple's children are late and the mother-in-law complains aloud: "Ugh, your children, always late." Eventually, everyone comes and sits down to eat, the mother-in-law insists on sitting at the head of the table and no one has the strength to argue with her. After a few minutes, the hungry mother-in-law begins to complain: "Ugh, what's with the food here, why is it always late?" A few minutes later, the couple bring out the meal they have prepared for their family, mostly cooked by the wife. Everyone eats and the evening continues. While they are in the middle of their main course, the mother-in-law says: "Ugh, I better start clearing the dishes so we can at least move on to the last dish on time." A mere second after she gets up, the large wall clock hanging over the head of the table falls down, reducing her chair to pieces and almost hitting her. Everyone is in shock until the bride mumbles to herself: "Ugh, this clock... always late."
When a big giant eel takes your hand for a meal...
...that’s a moray.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
What does a tiger say to his friends before eating a meal? "Let us prey!"
What does a mountain often do at its daily meal? It avalunch.
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."
— Calvin Trillin
What is a deer’s favorite meal of the day?
“Deer-ner.”
What is a deer’s favorite meal?
Deer-ner!
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