Bright Jokes

I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
You remind me of a diamond necklace because you sure sparkle and shine bright.
Why did we get sunglasses for you?
Well, we know what is true.
When the candles on your cake are lit
It will be bright we will admit.

(Theodore Higgingsworth)
Kids Can Be Cruel... Little Timothy was a bright young boy, and he was even fairly handsome. The only problem was that he was lost his eye in a fishing accident when he was younger. His family was too poor to afford a glass eye, so his grandfather whittled him a wooden one. He was made fun of all through school for his eye and it completely destroyed his self esteem. But he was tired of letting the world get him down. The school dance was coming up and he would be darned if he didn't let himself have a good time. Timothy had eyes for a girl named Sally. She was shy and just as lonely as he was, due to having a fairly pronounced mustache, earning her the nickname, "Hair-lip". Well Timmy saw past her 'stache and thought she was the most beautiful girl in school, and he decided he was going to ask her out. He waited until lunch, and spotted her eating a peanut butter sandwich alone in the corner of the lunchroom. He marched up to her and said, "Sally, I've been seeing you around for a while, and, well... Would you like to go to the dance with me?" Sally's eyes lit up and she responded, "Would I!" "Hair-lip!" blurted Timothy and ran away.
Why was the glow worm unhappy ?
Because her children weren’t that bright !
The Cat Poem Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray this cushy life to keep. I pray for toys that look like mice, and sofa cushions, soft and nice. I pray for gourmet kitty snacks, and someone nice to scratch my back, for windowsills all warm and bright, for shadows to explore at night. I pray I'll always stay cool, and keep the secret feline rule, to never tell a human that the world is really ruled by cats!
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” – Anonymous
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
When you get a rainbow after the rain at least you are moving in the bright direction.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
I once knew a man who lived in a jar.
For a stranger sight you’d have to go far.
I asked him once why he lived in a jar.
He grimaced and said, how bizarre you are.
My jar’s so cozy, warm and bright,
Even in the full moonlight.
The only drawback is, you see,
Getting out quickly when I have to pee.
(Irwin Mercer)
I don't need Christmas lights, you're already shining so bright.
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