Chair Jokes

How many tall people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2. One to get a chair and the other one to call a short person for help.
You're so short that you would have to stand on a chair to reach puberty.
The Impatient Mother-in-Law
The Impatient Mother-in-Law A couple invites their family over for Thanksgiving night and invites the whole family to spend the holiday and meal together. The family gathers, but the couple's children are late and the mother-in-law complains aloud: "Ugh, your children, always late." Eventually, everyone comes and sits down to eat, the mother-in-law insists on sitting at the head of the table and no one has the strength to argue with her. After a few minutes, the hungry mother-in-law begins to complain: "Ugh, what's with the food here, why is it always late?" A few minutes later, the couple bring out the meal they have prepared for their family, mostly cooked by the wife. Everyone eats and the evening continues. While they are in the middle of their main course, the mother-in-law says: "Ugh, I better start clearing the dishes so we can at least move on to the last dish on time." A mere second after she gets up, the large wall clock hanging over the head of the table falls down, reducing her chair to pieces and almost hitting her. Everyone is in shock until the bride mumbles to herself: "Ugh, this clock... always late."
Whosever room this is should be ashamed!
His underwear is hanging on the lamp.
His raincoat is there in the overstuffed chair,
And the chair is becoming quite mucky and damp.
His workbook is wedged in the window,
His sweater’s been thrown on the floor.
His scarf and one ski are beneath the TV,
And his pants have been carelessly hung on the door.
His books are all jammed in the closet,
His vest has been left in the hall.
A lizard named Ed is asleep in his bed,
And his smelly old sock has been stuck to the wall.
Whosever room this is should be ashamed!
Donald or Robert or Willie or—
Huh? You say it’s mine? Oh, dear,
I knew it looked familiar!
(Shel Silverstein)
Canary-birds feed on sugar and seed,
Parrots have crackers to crunch;
And, as for the poodles, they tell me the noodles
Have chickens and cream for their lunch.
But there’s never a question
About MY digestion—
Anything does for me!

Cats, you’re aware, can repose in a chair,
Chickens can roost upon rails;
Puppies are able to sleep in a stable,
And oysters can slumber in pails.
But no one supposes
A poor Camel dozes—
Any place does for me!

...

People would laugh if you rode a giraffe,
Or mounted the back of an ox;
It’s nobody’s habit to ride on a rabbit,
Or try to bestraddle a fox.
But as for a Camel, he’s
Ridden by families—
Any load does for me!

(Charles E. Carryl)
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy
I said: But, mom that's why I am using a chair.
I hooked a stereo up to my recliner.
Now it's a rocking chair.
“No one is full of more false hope than a parent bringing a chair to the beach.” – @simoncholland
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