Pot Jokes

The Battle of the Lake There were three kingdoms, each bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all. The first kingdom was quite rich and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squire's polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom wasn't so wealthy and sent only 10 knights, each with 2 squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squire's polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a noosed rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight's armor. The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and couldn't fight. The squire of the third kingdom couldn't rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought. The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious. It just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.
I tried smoking pot once.
I choked on the handle.
My dad and I saw this girl with a colorful backpack covered in pot leaves
He turned to me and said "thats a dope backpack". He is catching onto my slang.
What is the most effective way to cook a crocodile?
In a croc pot.
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?
He had a very esteemed colleague.
How does Bigfoot clear his sinuses?
With a yeti pot.
When my cat sleeps, he snoozes
Inside the laundry basket,
Or on top of a tree,
Crammed inside a shelf,
Where no-one can see.
In empty shopping bags,
And cartons made of cardboard,
On piles of books and newspapers,
And suitcases that are stored.
Curled up under furniture,
In places we’d never think to look.
Or nestled behind a flower pot,
In a hard to find nook.
Since my cat sleeps for at least sixteen hours each day
He must be bored of sleeping in the same old way!

(Santhini Govindan)
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...
We called her Auntie Up.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
What did the rainbow say to the pot of gold? You'll be the end of me.
‪I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a pot. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa. ‬
How did the pot head propose to their spouse?
Marriage, You wanna?
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