Did you hear they are not making yardsticks any longer?
They’re not making them any shorter either.
I’m saving money for bushes to plant around the yard when my career is over...
It’s my retirement hedge fund.
How do you make a dog stop barking in the backyard?
Move him to the front yard.
Two snowmen were standing in a yard. One asked the other, "Do you smell carrot?" The other snowman replied, "No, but I can taste coal."
Wanna know why I like to do yard work?
It really takes the hedge off!
I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides. I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards
I'm sure that must have been a record.
I was walking by a yard sale the other day.
I saw a radio for $1. The volume dial was broken but I knew I couldn’t turn that down.
How did the police find all the missing wood from the lumber yard?
It was chipped.
I saw a squirrel bury a nut in my backyard today.
I'm going to swap it for a grilled cheese sandwich and blow his mind.
I decided to add a water fixture to my backyard...
... it's going well