My mom told me to stop singing "Im a Believer" because it was annoying.
At first I though she was kidding...Then I saw her face.
My mother likes to tell people when I was little that I told her I loved her alphabet soup.
I didn’t, she just likes putting words in my mouth.
What does a baby volcano say to his volcano mother?
Magma
Dad: “Son, your mother and I are thinking about moving to a square island.”
Son: “Wow really? Can I come too?”
Dad: “Four shore!”
What does a Turkish kid say to his mom when he needs to do chores in the summer:
I dont’t wanna do it, it’s sho warm ma!
Children with only a mother make horrible programmers
Theres always missing parent.
I got down on one knee and asked her if she'd be the mother to my kids, she said yes...
Guess who's gonna find a bunch of losers in a box tomorrow morning at their doorstep.
Since it's Mothers Day weekend, I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a BIG SMILE on her face this morning...
Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.
My mother's sister can carry 50 times her own weight
She's my aunt
What did James Bond’s mom say as she was giving birth?
"I’ve been expecting you, Mr. Bond."
My mother-in-law dropped her iPhone in the toilet...
I told her, "there's a CRAP for that."
What did the young Toyota say to his mother when she asked what he wanted for dinner?
Taco ma
My mother's mother lost her false teeth at the retirement home. We searched the place everywhere but couldn't find them.
We looked in every nook and granny!
Ignore your mother's bad joke, son...
It's a faux pa.
Stuck on what to get your Mum for Mother's Day?
Get her a fridge and watch her face light up as she opens it.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
A mother mountain says to her moody teenage mountain “don’t you give me that altitude!!”
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"
Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
What is a frustrated mother’s favorite month?
I SAID NO-vember.
What do you call a parallelogram that's also your parent's mother?
A parallelogramma
My mother asked me if my dog was good
I said “Yeah. And my hot dog isn’t bad either.”
Mom was a milk maid and dad worked the meat grinder at the local butcher. When they got married they took their vows very seriously.
They really meant it was for butter or for wurst.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum
My mom said I have no sense of direction
So I packed my bags and right
What did E.Ts mother say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
Its hard being a teenage mother
Especially when you're a teenage male.