What does a baby volcano say to his volcano mother?
Magma
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum
I'm so glad our Billy inherited his mother's intelligence
...and I got to keep mine.
My mom is a metalurgist
I asked her the other day: "Which metal do you prefer to work with? Gold or silver?"
She said: "Either ore."
My mother's sister can carry 50 times her own weight
She's my aunt
What did E.Ts mother say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
Stuck on what to get your Mum for Mother's Day?
Get her a fridge and watch her face light up as she opens it.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “It’s not working. I can’t take it any more. I’m going to my mom’s.”
I opened the fridge door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean?
How can you tell if a tree is older than your mother?
It'll be covered in grandmoss.
Kids and I are making burgers for my wife on Mother's Day....
I hope they meat her expectations
My mom said I have no sense of direction
So I packed my bags and right
A mother mountain says to her moody teenage mountain “don’t you give me that altitude!!”
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
What did the Indian kid say to his mother when she left India?
Mumbai
What did James Bond’s mom say as she was giving birth?
"I’ve been expecting you, Mr. Bond."
Children with only a mother make horrible programmers
Theres always missing parent.
Dad: “Son, your mother and I are thinking about moving to a square island.”
Son: “Wow really? Can I come too?”
Dad: “Four shore!”
I was talking to my friend and he asked me, “As a young boy was your mom strict with you?” I told him, “To be honest,...
“...my mother was never a young boy.”
My mother asked me if my dog was good
I said “Yeah. And my hot dog isn’t bad either.”
At dinner tonight my mother in law asked why my sons knife had a bend in it
I told her it’s so he can cut corners
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"
Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
What is a frustrated mother’s favorite month?
I SAID NO-vember.
One of my mother's friends asked if she could be a surrogate
I guess she was just looking for a womb for rent.
I could borrow the step-stool from my mom, OR i could go buy something taller.
I prefer the ladder.
I don’t know why I couldn’t convince my wife she would like the set of knives I made her for Mother’s Day.
I made several good points.
My mother's mother hit the jackpot at the BINGO!!!
She's a grammy winner!