A mother mountain says to her moody teenage mountain “don’t you give me that altitude!!”
I had a real problem when your mom got rid of that crooked chair my dad made.
I don't know why, it just never sat right with me.
What is a frustrated mother’s favorite month?
I SAID NO-vember.
A child was bored out of his mind. His mother told him that they are going to the laundry mat and the child said "that is the most boring place on earth."
Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum
I was talking to my friend and he asked me, “As a young boy was your mom strict with you?” I told him, “To be honest,...
“...my mother was never a young boy.”
My mother always laughed at me when I told her my dream was to build a car out of spaghetti.
You should of seen her face when I drove pasta.
Son, your mother died. It happened when she choked on her dinner from laughing.
You could say I have a killer sense of humor.
My twin brother was being rude to our mother on the phone, so I pushed him out of the window...
Now I am being charged with making an "obscene clone fall."
My wife showed me two of her mother’s quilts and asked me which one I preferred.
I said, “I refuse to make blanket statements.”
What do you call it when all your mother's sisters gather at a funeral to avenge your death?
Vigil aunties.
What did E.Ts mother say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
What does a baby volcano say to his volcano mother?
Magma
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “It’s not working. I can’t take it any more. I’m going to my mom’s.”
I opened the fridge door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean?
I showed my mom my report card, she said that she needed to see more A's
I said OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
My mother-in-law dropped her iPhone in the toilet...
I told her, "there's a CRAP for that."
How can you tell if a tree is older than your mother?
It'll be covered in grandmoss.
I got down on one knee and asked her if she'd be the mother to my kids, she said yes...
Guess who's gonna find a bunch of losers in a box tomorrow morning at their doorstep.
My mother asked me if my dog was good
I said “Yeah. And my hot dog isn’t bad either.”
Dad: “Son, your mother and I are thinking about moving to a square island.”
Son: “Wow really? Can I come too?”
Dad: “Four shore!”
I could borrow the step-stool from my mom, OR i could go buy something taller.
I prefer the ladder.
What holiday do we celebrate in May to remember all the mothers we lost in the past year?
Momorial Day
I once pranked my mom and told her that I had lyme disease
I still had a few ticks up my sleeve
My mom told me to stop singing "Im a Believer" because it was annoying.
At first I though she was kidding...Then I saw her face.
What did the young Toyota say to his mother when she asked what he wanted for dinner?
Taco ma
Does anyone know where we find the handmade Mother's Day gifts the school sends out each year?
I checked my kids' backpacks like usual but they weren't there.