These aren't your mom's puns, these are your sisters puns. Tam-puns
How can you tell if a tree is older than your mother?
It'll be covered in grandmoss.
My mother's mother hit the jackpot at the BINGO!!!
She's a grammy winner!
I got down on one knee and asked her if she'd be the mother to my kids, she said yes...
Guess who's gonna find a bunch of losers in a box tomorrow morning at their doorstep.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"
Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
My mom said I have no sense of direction
So I packed my bags and right
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son.
Beehive!
I once pranked my mom and told her that I had lyme disease
I still had a few ticks up my sleeve
One of my mother's friends asked if she could be a surrogate
I guess she was just looking for a womb for rent.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum
What did the young Toyota say to his mother when she asked what he wanted for dinner?
Taco ma
I'm so glad our Billy inherited his mother's intelligence
...and I got to keep mine.
My mother always used to say "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach"
Nice lady and all, I truly loved her, but a terrible surgeon.
A child was bored out of his mind. His mother told him that they are going to the laundry mat and the child said "that is the most boring place on earth."
Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “It’s not working. I can’t take it any more. I’m going to my mom’s.”
I opened the fridge door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean?
What did E.Ts mother say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
What does a baby volcano say to his volcano mother?
Magma
Mom was a milk maid and dad worked the meat grinder at the local butcher. When they got married they took their vows very seriously.
They really meant it was for butter or for wurst.
My mother likes to tell people when I was little that I told her I loved her alphabet soup.
I didn’t, she just likes putting words in my mouth.
Children with only a mother make horrible programmers
Theres always missing parent.
My twin brother was being rude to our mother on the phone, so I pushed him out of the window...
Now I am being charged with making an "obscene clone fall."
Dad: “Son, your mother and I are thinking about moving to a square island.”
Son: “Wow really? Can I come too?”
Dad: “Four shore!”
What is a frustrated mother’s favorite month?
I SAID NO-vember.
At dinner tonight my mother in law asked why my sons knife had a bend in it
I told her it’s so he can cut corners
Kids and I are making burgers for my wife on Mother's Day....
I hope they meat her expectations
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime