My mother's mother hit the jackpot at the BINGO!!!
She's a grammy winner!
Ignore your mother's bad joke, son...
It's a faux pa.
Does anyone know where we find the handmade Mother's Day gifts the school sends out each year?
I checked my kids' backpacks like usual but they weren't there.
My mother's mother lost her false teeth at the retirement home. We searched the place everywhere but couldn't find them.
We looked in every nook and granny!
I don’t know why I couldn’t convince my wife she would like the set of knives I made her for Mother’s Day.
I made several good points.
My twin brother was being rude to our mother on the phone, so I pushed him out of the window...
Now I am being charged with making an "obscene clone fall."
Since it's Mothers Day weekend, I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a BIG SMILE on her face this morning...
Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.
Kids and I are making burgers for my wife on Mother's Day....
I hope they meat her expectations
What holiday do we celebrate in May to remember all the mothers we lost in the past year?
Momorial Day
Its hard being a teenage mother
Especially when you're a teenage male.
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son.
Beehive!
I got down on one knee and asked her if she'd be the mother to my kids, she said yes...
Guess who's gonna find a bunch of losers in a box tomorrow morning at their doorstep.
At dinner tonight my mother in law asked why my sons knife had a bend in it
I told her it’s so he can cut corners
Dad: “Son, your mother and I are thinking about moving to a square island.”
Son: “Wow really? Can I come too?”
Dad: “Four shore!”
One of my mother's friends asked if she could be a surrogate
I guess she was just looking for a womb for rent.
My mother asked me if my dog was good
I said “Yeah. And my hot dog isn’t bad either.”
My wife showed me two of her mother’s quilts and asked me which one I preferred.
I said, “I refuse to make blanket statements.”
Children with only a mother make horrible programmers
Theres always missing parent.
What did E.Ts mother say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
Stuck on what to get your Mum for Mother's Day?
Get her a fridge and watch her face light up as she opens it.
What does a baby volcano say to his volcano mother?
Magma
Son, your mother died. It happened when she choked on her dinner from laughing.
You could say I have a killer sense of humor.
My mother's sister can carry 50 times her own weight
She's my aunt
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"
Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime