My twin brother was being rude to our mother on the phone, so I pushed him out of the window...
Now I am being charged with making an "obscene clone fall."
My mom told me to stop singing "Im a Believer" because it was annoying.
At first I though she was kidding...Then I saw her face.
Does anyone know where we find the handmade Mother's Day gifts the school sends out each year?
I checked my kids' backpacks like usual but they weren't there.
My mom's sister once mistook Ritalin for aspirin...
It really upped the aunty!
My mother's sister can carry 50 times her own weight
She's my aunt
What do you call a parallelogram that's also your parent's mother?
A parallelogramma
Mom was a milk maid and dad worked the meat grinder at the local butcher. When they got married they took their vows very seriously.
They really meant it was for butter or for wurst.
I'm so glad our Billy inherited his mother's intelligence
...and I got to keep mine.
What does a Turkish kid say to his mom when he needs to do chores in the summer:
I dont’t wanna do it, it’s sho warm ma!
Children with only a mother make horrible programmers
Theres always missing parent.
A mother mountain says to her moody teenage mountain “don’t you give me that altitude!!”
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son.
Beehive!
What is a frustrated mother’s favorite month?
I SAID NO-vember.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum
My mother's mother hit the jackpot at the BINGO!!!
She's a grammy winner!
My wife showed me two of her mother’s quilts and asked me which one I preferred.
I said, “I refuse to make blanket statements.”
Kids and I are making burgers for my wife on Mother's Day....
I hope they meat her expectations
What did James Bond’s mom say as she was giving birth?
"I’ve been expecting you, Mr. Bond."
A child was bored out of his mind. His mother told him that they are going to the laundry mat and the child said "that is the most boring place on earth."
Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."
What did the young Toyota say to his mother when she asked what he wanted for dinner?
Taco ma
I showed my mom my report card, she said that she needed to see more A's
I said OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
My mother always laughed at me when I told her my dream was to build a car out of spaghetti.
You should of seen her face when I drove pasta.
My mother always used to say "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach"
Nice lady and all, I truly loved her, but a terrible surgeon.
What did the Indian kid say to his mother when she left India?
Mumbai
Ignore your mother's bad joke, son...
It's a faux pa.
I had a real problem when your mom got rid of that crooked chair my dad made.
I don't know why, it just never sat right with me.