I don’t know why I couldn’t convince my wife she would like the set of knives I made her for Mother’s Day.
I made several good points.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum
My mom's sister once mistook Ritalin for aspirin...
It really upped the aunty!
What holiday do we celebrate in May to remember all the mothers we lost in the past year?
Momorial Day
My mom said I have no sense of direction
So I packed my bags and right
I had a real problem when your mom got rid of that crooked chair my dad made.
I don't know why, it just never sat right with me.
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son.
Beehive!
Mom was a milk maid and dad worked the meat grinder at the local butcher. When they got married they took their vows very seriously.
They really meant it was for butter or for wurst.
At dinner tonight my mother in law asked why my sons knife had a bend in it
I told her it’s so he can cut corners
My mother-in-law dropped her iPhone in the toilet...
I told her, "there's a CRAP for that."
Since it's Mothers Day weekend, I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a BIG SMILE on her face this morning...
Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"
Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
What do you call a parallelogram that's also your parent's mother?
A parallelogramma
What do you call it when all your mother's sisters gather at a funeral to avenge your death?
Vigil aunties.
One of my mother's friends asked if she could be a surrogate
I guess she was just looking for a womb for rent.
Ignore your mother's bad joke, son...
It's a faux pa.
What is a frustrated mother’s favorite month?
I SAID NO-vember.
My wife showed me two of her mother’s quilts and asked me which one I preferred.
I said, “I refuse to make blanket statements.”
My mother asked me if my dog was good
I said “Yeah. And my hot dog isn’t bad either.”
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “It’s not working. I can’t take it any more. I’m going to my mom’s.”
I opened the fridge door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean?
I could borrow the step-stool from my mom, OR i could go buy something taller.
I prefer the ladder.
Kids and I are making burgers for my wife on Mother's Day....
I hope they meat her expectations
I once pranked my mom and told her that I had lyme disease
I still had a few ticks up my sleeve
I showed my mom my report card, she said that she needed to see more A's
I said OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
A child was bored out of his mind. His mother told him that they are going to the laundry mat and the child said "that is the most boring place on earth."
Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."