If your mom slaps you with high frequency -
It Hertz
I had a real problem when your mom got rid of that crooked chair my dad made.
I don't know why, it just never sat right with me.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"
Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
My mother likes to tell people when I was little that I told her I loved her alphabet soup.
I didn’t, she just likes putting words in my mouth.
What is a frustrated mother’s favorite month?
I SAID NO-vember.
My mom told me to stop singing "Im a Believer" because it was annoying.
At first I though she was kidding...Then I saw her face.
I don’t know why I couldn’t convince my wife she would like the set of knives I made her for Mother’s Day.
I made several good points.
Mom was a milk maid and dad worked the meat grinder at the local butcher. When they got married they took their vows very seriously.
They really meant it was for butter or for wurst.
My mother-in-law dropped her iPhone in the toilet...
I told her, "there's a CRAP for that."
What did E.Ts mother say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
My mother's mother lost her false teeth at the retirement home. We searched the place everywhere but couldn't find them.
We looked in every nook and granny!
I could borrow the step-stool from my mom, OR i could go buy something taller.
I prefer the ladder.
A child was bored out of his mind. His mother told him that they are going to the laundry mat and the child said "that is the most boring place on earth."
Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum
Does anyone know where we find the handmade Mother's Day gifts the school sends out each year?
I checked my kids' backpacks like usual but they weren't there.
Its hard being a teenage mother
Especially when you're a teenage male.
I'm so glad our Billy inherited his mother's intelligence
...and I got to keep mine.
My mom's sister once mistook Ritalin for aspirin...
It really upped the aunty!
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “It’s not working. I can’t take it any more. I’m going to my mom’s.”
I opened the fridge door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean?
My twin brother was being rude to our mother on the phone, so I pushed him out of the window...
Now I am being charged with making an "obscene clone fall."
I showed my mom my report card, she said that she needed to see more A's
I said OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son.
Beehive!
What do you call it when all your mother's sisters gather at a funeral to avenge your death?
Vigil aunties.
My mother's mother hit the jackpot at the BINGO!!!
She's a grammy winner!
Ignore your mother's bad joke, son...
It's a faux pa.