My mother asked me if my dog was good
I said “Yeah. And my hot dog isn’t bad either.”
My mom is a metalurgist
I asked her the other day: "Which metal do you prefer to work with? Gold or silver?"
She said: "Either ore."
My mom's sister once mistook Ritalin for aspirin...
It really upped the aunty!
I could borrow the step-stool from my mom, OR i could go buy something taller.
I prefer the ladder.
If your mom slaps you with high frequency -
It Hertz
When Dumbo’s mom was pregnant, no one would talk about it.
It was the elephant in the womb.
What did E.Ts mother say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “It’s not working. I can’t take it any more. I’m going to my mom’s.”
I opened the fridge door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean?
My wife showed me two of her mother’s quilts and asked me which one I preferred.
I said, “I refuse to make blanket statements.”
I once pranked my mom and told her that I had lyme disease
I still had a few ticks up my sleeve
These aren't your mom's puns, these are your sisters puns. Tam-puns
My mom told me to stop singing "Im a Believer" because it was annoying.
At first I though she was kidding...Then I saw her face.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum
What does a Turkish kid say to his mom when he needs to do chores in the summer:
I dont’t wanna do it, it’s sho warm ma!
A child was bored out of his mind. His mother told him that they are going to the laundry mat and the child said "that is the most boring place on earth."
Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."
What holiday do we celebrate in May to remember all the mothers we lost in the past year?
Momorial Day
At dinner tonight my mother in law asked why my sons knife had a bend in it
I told her it’s so he can cut corners
My mother likes to tell people when I was little that I told her I loved her alphabet soup.
I didn’t, she just likes putting words in my mouth.
I'm so glad our Billy inherited his mother's intelligence
...and I got to keep mine.
My mother-in-law dropped her iPhone in the toilet...
I told her, "there's a CRAP for that."
Son, your mother died. It happened when she choked on her dinner from laughing.
You could say I have a killer sense of humor.
How can you tell if a tree is older than your mother?
It'll be covered in grandmoss.
Its hard being a teenage mother
Especially when you're a teenage male.
Children with only a mother make horrible programmers
Theres always missing parent.
What does a baby volcano say to his volcano mother?
Magma
My mom said I have no sense of direction
So I packed my bags and right