My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.