What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
Why was the Copper Mountain skier taken to the emergency room?
He hurt his ski bum.
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
Skier in ER: Doc, I slipped on my way to the chairlift.
Doctor: Icy.
Why couldn't the garden gnome run in the marathon?
Because he's not part of the human race!
What do you call a very slow skier?
A slope-poke.
The target in soccer is to kick it where it counts.
Where do players hide their marijuana?
Between the stash marks.
What do you get for diving into a wave of oranges.
Vitamin Sea.
The only difference between time and a ball hog is that the former passes.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
Who directs all of the movies about volleyball injuries? Spike Lee.
What trophy does a stay-at-home defencemen win? The Snorris!
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
What type of noodles do swimmers like best?
Pool noodles!
Basketball players are not that patient to follow-through an elaborate court-ship procedure.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
Defeat in soccer is only bitter if you swallow it.
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
How many volleyball referees do you need to screw in a light bulb? None because they are always in the dark.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
Good bowlers always keep their minds out of the gutter.
Why didn’t the golfer get his homework done?
He wouldn’t stop puttering around.
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
What trophy do you get if you never score any points? The Art Rouse.
What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One is a bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking scavenger and the other is a fish!
How are snow boards and vacuum cleaners alike?
Both have dirt bags on board.
Finally, the soccer ball decided to quit the team. The reason behind its move was that it was tied of being kicked around.
At the end of the year, there is always a rock n’ bowl concert where everyone gets entertained.
The main difference between a dog and a basketball player is that one dribbles while the other one drools.
As a Brit, I can't get into American football
They rugby the wrong way.
What did the fisherman say to the card magician? Take a cod, any cod.
Who's got a penchant for spearing? Pronger!
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
It is ridiculous having a basketball team that lacks a website. Do you mean none of them can string three W’s together?
Why did the ski instructor's love life always go downhill? The first thing the ladies noticed about him was his giant slalom.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
Would they get two minutes for tripping?
Not if they spliff the defence.
Give me some pigskin
I wish they’d change the scoring system, but tennis is set in its ways and doesn’t see the point.
What is the 7th pin in bowling called? Mother-In-Law!
Why was the basketball court so slippery?
Because all the players were dribbling on it.
The anti-vax basketball team lost every game this season
Apparently they never take any shots.
Where's the weak spot on a Scottish goalie? The fief hole.
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
I feel tail great!
The goal nine yards
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
Which HOF defenceman was nicknamed The Gravedigger? Denis Plotvin.