Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
Football is one habit I will never kick.
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
All punts are highly intended
I like big punts and I cannot lie
Football is one habit I will never kick
Which football playoff team are Star Trek fans rooting for ?
The Green Bay Picards.
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
What’s a Movers favorite football team?
The Packers!
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
Having a ball
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
We’re calling your number.
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
Case in punt
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
I’ve been getting blitzed all game
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
Join us for plenty of play action.