In Quebec they used to practise throwing the puck in the zone, and then
sitting back to wait for a turnover. But eventually the players were
criticized for this dump-and-chaise tactic.
Which rangy centre could cover the whole ice? Jean Umbrelliveau.
Which legend lived in a shack? Was it Eddy? No, Ma-hovel-ich!
If the wooden face mask was popularized by Jacques Plante, was the wooden
cup made popular by Jock Plank?
But would they be stoned by the goalie?
No, they'd smoke it right between the pipes!
Where do Danish players aim with the puck? Top kroner.
What trophy do you get if you never score any points? The Art Rouse.
What did they give former Flyers left-winger Brian when he successfully
bulked up? Massive Propps.
The ref keeps shafting us the offsides; I think he's blue lyin'.
Which HOF defenceman was nicknamed The Gravedigger? Denis Plotvin.
Where's the weak spot on a Scottish goalie? The fief hole.
Which LA King was the total package? Parcel Dionne.
I could go on and on about Salming but I don't want to Borje.
Will the Red Wings be able to replace their venerable captain Steve? No, because
when it comes to hockey smarts there is no Yzer man.
Would they get two minutes for tripping?
Not if they spliff the defence.
Which local sportswriters are most effusive? Those who work in the praise
box!
The Montreal baseball team relocated to Tampa after being purchased by the
Exposito bros.
What type of films should players watch to improve their shot? Slap stick.
Who's got a penchant for spearing? Pronger!
When the defender was put in the box for spearing Jaromir Jagr, he
complained "but it was only a poke-Czech!"
Why do referees always hurry to catch their next flight? Because it's "two
minutes 'fore boarding!"
Which hulking left-winger could body-slam The Giant? Dave Andre-chuck.
The coddled superstar sat in the seats with the fans instead of on the bench
with the team; for this, ironically enough, he was accused of grandstanding!
The refs kept calling interference, even though goalmouth incidents were in
de-crease.
Which Finn is like a hotdog on the ice? Teemu Salami.
Which Habs great once worked as a janitor? Broom-Broom Geoffrion.
Where did the Flopper work in the offseason? At Dominik's Hat-Check.
What trophy does a stay-at-home defencemen win? The Snorris!
Can linesmen enter the Hall of Fame? Yes, because they decide who's HOFside.
Soviet goaltenders got their hair cut at Vladislav's Tress-shack.
After the Moroccan scored a Hat-trick, the players gathered for the fez-off.
Even if injuries end it prematurely, Paul's had a good Kariya.
Where do players hide their marijuana?
Between the stash marks.
Did Cyclops the X-man play hockey? Yes, he enjoyed lasing up the skates.
If Messier retires he's sure to be moosed.
Which trophy has the most glitz? The Lady Bling.
Would Gretzky have changed his name in order to play in Mexico?
Yes, The Great Juan did what it takes.
In later years was the Great One in decline? Yes he was on the Wayne.
A certain Leafs right-winger was sued by the Louisiana government. He was
Owen N'awlins.
If there's a Tim Horton's chain, should there be a Lanny McDonald's? Or Doug
Harvey's? And what about Ron's Francise?
Which superstar has a nose for the puck? Mario the Magsniffascent.
Which Nordique great has recurring ligament problems? Peter Spaz-knee!
Opposing coaches facing the Leafs in the 60s and 70s knew that Dave was the
one to Keon.
Ed Belfour's new contract offer isn't high compared to other goal tenders.
Which front-office type is the most promiscuous? The general ménageur.
What's the sweetest moment in a hockey game? When they're icing the puck.
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