What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
What did the geologist say when his doctor said he needed a colon exam?
No fracking way!
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir"
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
The Nucleboss.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.