I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"