Having a ball
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
Here’s the game plan: [party details]
With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot.
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
The calm before the score
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
Case in punt
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
Prepare to be bowled over.
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
I feel tail great!
Football is one habit I will never kick.
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
I like big punts and I cannot lie
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!