I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
The superconductor left without resistance.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.