How did the monster predict his future?
With the horror-scope!
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What do witches' cats like to have for breakfast?
Mice crispies.
Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn’t in it.
Why do Minotaurs make terrible detectives?
Because they hate to go on steak-outs!
The ghoul didn't get his letter on time because it got lost at the ghost office.
What tree monster prowls the forest?
Frankenpine.
What was the most common game played by Greek Gods?
Hydra and seek.
The mom to the naughty vampire said to him, “Watch your battitude, that is not how you talk to your elders.”
What should you do when you see Frankenstein walking towards you?
Make a bolt for it.
Why did the ghoul eat a light bulb?
Because it wanted a light snack!
Why do witches not wear a regular hat?
Because there's no point in it.
My friend who's a vampire was feeling a bit low. I told him to drink B positive.
What do you call a sketchy looking Bigfoot?
A Susquatch.
College-age vampires only ever shop in one place - Forever 21.
"The Full Moon is a natural furnomenon," said the werewolf.
What do you call a hairy monster that lives by a dam?
A weir-wolf.
What do you call a Yeti Gardener?
A hairy potter.
If you're wondering if someone's become a vampire, there's an easy way to tell. A true vampire is always coffin.
What is a ghoul’s favorite snack food?
Ghoul scout cookies!
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend.
Why didn’t the skeleton rob the bank?
Because he didn’t have the guts.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
Someone who does not become a witch until they're old is a late broomer.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man.
How did the skeleton bring his groceries home from the market?
He used his Cart-ilage.
Which building do vampires always visit when in New York?
The Vampire State Building.
What do you call a werewolf who cuts down trees?
A timber wolf.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
Why do witches only ride their broomsticks at night?
That's the time to sweep.
How do ghosts find out their future? They read their horror-scopes.
Where do you find giant snails?
At the end of a giant’s finger.
What did one witch's cat say to the other?
You look familiar.
According to Greek mythology, Chiron was a half horse half human doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
Did you hear about the ghoul who had eight arms?
He was very handy!
What do you call a silly werewolf in Australia ?
A dingo-ling
Who did the ghost take to prom? His ghoulfriend.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
Why don’t vampires use the front door?
Because they use the bat flap instead.
Why do werewolves howl at the moon?
Because no one else will do it for them!
Which monster did the three bears catch sleeping?
Ghouldilocks!
What does one vampire say to another before bed?
- I hope you have a fang-tastic day!
Why did the troll fall back with his army?
He didn't want to be ogre-run by the enemy.
What did the giant say after he ate Fiji?
- I want Samoa!
Werewolves love their fast food.
What do you call the Frankenstein of the Gardening world?
An A-botan-ation.