Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.